Niall’s virtual diary archives – Tuesday 2nd October 2007

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Tuesday 2nd October 2007: 1.16pm. Lectures began for my last & final year of undergraduate study (hopefully) yesterday. I am finding myself grumpier this year than any previous year with the shite they pass off as knowledge in this place, and on at least two occasions yesterday I loudly corrected the lecturer who had made a factual error - one of many I might add, but I was too tired to bother correcting them any further. I phased one who made a factual error about Cisco networking products and who was blowing "the Cisco model" way out of proportion - making it out to be some wonderful new & fantastic era of business upon which the entire course would be based (problem was his understanding of the technicalities of the hardware was simply wrong, and he was making a domain error in likening computer networking to human networking). The other knows me though has never taught me and indeed thanked me after the lecture for not correcting him more often as he knows is my wont to do smiley

Megan and I are now six and a half weeks in and it's going very, very well indeed - vastly better than either I or she had thought it would, and umpteen times better than anyone else thought it would - when everyone came back from summer break last week, their reactions varied between disbelief, flabbergastedness and outright sheer denial. No one was particularly supportive, that's for sure. And while it has been far smoother sailing than might be expected, it has had its bumps along the way - her friends S- and I- are not taking this new reality at all well, and of course I have removed myself completely from social situations which involve anyone who even regularly associates with Megan et al so when she goes out, I'm not there - a fact painfully obvious to just about everyone. This also has led to complications regarding simple lack of time - the weekends we don't really see each other until usually Sunday when she comes round exhausted after me having gotten annoyed with her for being emotionally not present during the preceding few days, which is due to her concentrating on socialising and the weekend from about Wednesday onwards. We then make up, it's very very good for about four days and then the cycle begins again.

This has come to a head last weekend and obviously this cycle isn't particularly good. We also have issues with the plannedness of our relationship whereby we see each other exactly once every two days which isn't very spontaneous at all. Sex, while becoming ever increasingly excellent all the time, loses something when it's consigned to such formal planning - it's not tremendously natural or spontaneous for sure. There are still some of the old issues, such as that we both really really like talking to each other but I react with wanting even more like a drug but she reacts by becoming overwhelmed & defensive, which then leads to feelings of being oppressed. All that said, these old issues are vastly less problematic than they have ever been in the past - and furthermore, I have never seen her work so hard at something before: I bring up a problem, and she just jumps right in and really tries her best to tackle it, often getting pretty frustrated herself at how wide from the mark she sometimes lands through simple lack of relationship experience. But that said, she hasn't repeated a single mistake twice yet - and she is like a different person from the one I have known for three years. Just the simple, plain difference of a "can do" attitude makes such an incredible difference - this Megan is fun to be around, an inspiration to others, looks sexier, is supportive and is just a vastly better human being. And this isn't me saying that, everyone has noticed the massive change which I think has garnered much more support for our relationship than might otherwise given a consideration of our past interactions.

I raised some of my problems with how things are going last Sunday, Megan responded last night with a whole pile of problems with how things are going from her end (again, just brilliant, she's really engaging like I've never seen her do before), so this morning just before writing this I rang her up and suggested I back off if she wants because I am her partner in all things and whatever she thinks or feels that she needs to make things easier for her from her perspective, then I will try my very best given my own inabilities to go down a middle ground rather than extremes all the time. I really, really like this girl - I like her more than any girlfriend I've ever had before - and I know that's pretty damn intimidating for her, and she really is doing fantastically - in fact, she's doing better than any girlfriend I've ever had before six weeks in, even Johanna who was a saint in the face of how difficult I am. Looking back now on my relationship with Johanna, I realise just how much she has improved me and how much better I behave in relationships now, and Megan was saying last night how grateful she was to Johanna because Megan & I would have been impossible without Johanna and me dating beforehand. I unequivocally concur!

Johanna is relatively okay - I haven't seen much of her recently, though we have spent quite a lot of time together oddly enough. It's like we've been in the same room plenty of times but haven't particularly communicated, and I think she's handling me and Megan going out fairly well though the lack of sexual interaction frustrates both of us (though her a lot more than I obviously enough). She's struggling with the return to uni as she does every year, and she's very busy getting involved in plays and orchestras and stuff. Rather her than I - I am looking forward to my first semester of total non-participation in student life. Some rest at long last! Hopefully I might even get a chance to finish off my summer work which has been sadly languishing.

Ok time for some lunch as it's past 2pm now and I have a lecture at 4pm. Be happy!

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