by Niall Douglas. Last updated . This page has been accessed 5,840 times since the 19th March 1999.
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Wednesday 3rd March 1999: 8.10pm.Odd time for an update, but I have to say I was shocked at how long it's been since the last update. I think this makes February 1999 the shortest month on this diary yet :(
Well, I have to apologise, but I have good reasons. After the last entry, I had a good think, and decided to adjust the way I go about things. As a result of this adjustment, I'm now meeting a lot more women that I did, and spending more time with the ones I did know before. And things have got better, or maybe I'm perceiving them as having got better. Dunno. I'm putting the fault on this beautiful skunk I'm smoking right now. Indeed, I've decided to smoke nothing but the best from now on, and it's definately had the effect of putting this big happy smile on my face all day - and no setback seems to be able to break my good humour. Weird.
Assuming it's a psychological thing and really it's just that I'm happier rather than stoned all the time, then I must say it's great. I don't know either how long this bliss will last, but while it does I intend to make the most of it. Indeed, tonight I'm off to a smoke round Needler - been a while since the last. Was at a blinding smoke last night, smoked through this three foot high thing which tasted of strawberries. Yes, the smoke tasted of strawberries with an air of sensimilla. And yes, it got me completely wankered off my nut.
Tomorrow's New Horizons (again), should be a good night although it's expected not very many outside the hardcore group will go. I've been doing so much recently I can't think of any of it, but it definately makes sense to vary one's lifestyle and spend more time in quiet days when you don't leave your bed. And days you can't leave your bed count!
Okay, I'm off to Needler. See you again soon, hopefully I'll write again sooner rather than later. Be happy!
Saturday 6th March 1999: 4.03am. I'm tired but I'm still awake. I can't sleep properly since New Horizons. Blinding night, a bit too blinding in some ways. Took way too much speed, as much as I used to do last summer, but of course now I'm a hell of a lot less fit and also, I've had to endure this two day come down without being stoned, a novel situation which I think in future I shan't repeat. It's not pleasant, and you can't get stoned enough to fall asleep so you have to endure staying awake. Shouldn't have done so much I think :(
However, it was a great night. Met lots of people, old and new, danced lots (now I hurt). Spent afterwards getting stoned with everyone else who was on speed or pills, and had a fry-up the following morning. On Friday finished smoking absolutely everything I had, having rationed myself since about daylight when I ran out of skunk. Since, it's not been fun - I didn't realise how much you hurt after a real speed session. You hurt all over. It tends to put a dampener on your day. And your brain keeps just stopping, like your brain has fallen asleep but your body's still wide awake. Still, tomorrow should see it all over and done with hopefully - after the third day, it's out of your system and you're back to normal. Can't wait - I'm not entirely very productive right now.
Hmm, any other news? Well, the Lawns is undergoing bust fever right now. It's about the right time of year I suppose given history, and there have been dodgy vehicles driving around plus dodgy phone calls made to the dealers here, so the word's gone out and everyone's dumped their stuff. It also means it's now nigh on impossible to get gear right now, which is somewhat annoying and is the reason why I'm in this state to some extent. Unfortunate, but I'll live - you pays the price and takes your etc.
Right, probably bed time now I guess. I hope. I may well lie awake again, or perhaps sleep. Who knows? Let's just hope ...
Be happy till next time!
Monday 16th March 1999: 11.58pm. Dagh, another week goes by without update. This is pretty shit alright. I think it's just being busy ... I called into Melanie tonight for the first time in about two weeks, and I haven't seen lots of other people on the Lawns for at least a week now. As for the LRA, ever since they made that huge loss I haven't been to any meetings nor seen any of them, although I did try Marion's tonight but apparently she's gone home.
So what is it which has taken up all my time? Well, this week saw union elections, final project choice, a legalisation conference in Luton and getting Marks' day ready. I'll skip the union elections as I didn't make it to voting in time, so never got to vote, and since I haven't been in since the counting I have no idea who's in or out other than through the grapevine.
Final project choice has been bad. They sprung it on us - we have until the end of this week to get a lecturer to take us on or else we get given a project no one else wants to do (ie; a very crap one). I have the proposal drawn up (it's here) and tomorrow I'll hopefully find a lecturer to adopt. Ooo, what fun thinks I ...
The Legalisation conference was about organising May Day (that's the thing the leaf above is counting down towards) and was held in Luton at the Exodus Collective during the weekend. It all went swimmingly, even though I whiteyed a few times from all the smoking done there, and because I had to sleep on the floor I ended up in considerable pain during Sunday. Anyway, we'll all be starting from Rush Common (at the base of Brixton hill) in Brixton, London at 12pm. There's lots more detail there, but it isn't of consequence and probably better left to surprise the hoardes arriving there on the day.
Marks' day - the flyers arrive before the end of the week, which is too late for Thursday when I wanted them for as I wanted them handed out for the Thursday and Friday end of term dos in the union. It has really fucked things up, and I'm bloody annoyed, but there wasn't much option - we lost a week from our side and the print bureau not being able to read each others file formats and having to try different formats over and over. Finally done for today, and apparently they will be dispatched tomorrow but probably not arriving until Friday. I really hope they arrive Thursday, but we'll live and pray I guess.
So that's it really. We're now into the last week of term, so at the end of this week these pages will be falling silent again for about two weeks, after which I'll return. I don't come back to the Lawns for another week after that, and then we'll be into the final run towards summer again. Amazing how time flies really. The two weeks during the start of Easter will see me visit Cambridge, Madrid and Malaga - visiting people at each location, before returning here to get Marks' day ready (yeah, a whole week - I think I'll need it though).
So that's that. Not much other news really, and no dilemmas in my life right now so there's not much to rant about. Actually, I'm reasonably happy right now, if a little run off my feet. Still have the "annoyed I have no woman" thing, but that's been a fair constant for over a year now, so no matter.
Right, I'm off to bed - I have an early rise tomorrow. Just before I go, "highes" go to Bucket and Anna for showing concern at my lack of updates - cheers for that! And thanks to the rest of you for continuing to come here. I'll make an update before Easter break, make sure you come back before then! Be happy, see you again soon!
Friday 19th March 1999: 5.25pm. Well, the Easter break has arrived once again, although officially not until tomorrow actually. It's been an alright few days, even though I didn't get time to visit as many people as I had wanted at all. Busyness. It's annoying.
The good news of the week is that I got my final year project proposal adopted, and we also got the Marks' flyers too which we've distributed and interest has been good. Bad news is that they're kicking me out of the Lawns next year as it would seem my political views may unduly affect poor first years incapable of making decisions about cannabis themselves. Prickless fuckers ...
Needless to say, we're going to fight, and fight hard. I have a letter drafted which I'm going to think about over the easter break, refine it a bit etc. It's meant moving up the schedule for tackling the accomodation discrimination thing to before the summer break rather than after, but I think we're just about ready. I hope.
Umm, and I think that's about it for the last few days. Everything's in wind-down now, although that said I took an acid tab last night and didn't have a bad night given that I didn't enjoy Fila Brazila at the union last night (first time I think I've been clubbing without any drugs at all in my system for years). I wasn't even stoned or drunk. And it all seemed so ... boring. So I came back early, called into some friends, and hey presto here was some good ol' LSD and lots of resin for us to get wankered on but not notice because the LSD stops you noticing the stonedness. You only notice how you can't make your arms and legs do what they're being told :)
Well, this is my last entry for at least two weeks. I'll be in Spain, and hopefully smoking shit loads of fine cheap hashish with cheap alcohol on a sunny beach covered with bikini-clad women. You're envious? You should be ... hahaha! :)
Right, have a good Easter, and I'll see you in two weeks! Be happy!
29th March 1999: 1.22am European time. Hello everyone, this is your beloved webmaster sitting in Ruthīs in Spain!!!
For those of you who have been reading these pages for quite some time, you will remember my frequent mentions of Ruth and me wittering on about how wonderful she is etc. etc. and so on (feel free to search the site for her name to see how often). [Ruth: Donīt belive him]. As you can see from her comments, sheīs sitting right next to me reading everything I write.
So youīre probably wondering, whatīs been happening in my life here in Madrid? Well, shortly after the last update I popped into Cambridge to visit some friends (YMCA and others) and theyīre all well. Iīll be back there again in about two weeks when weīll be doing the Clueless experience yet again (hehe, cool ...), Iīll let you know how it goes ...
Anyway, back to Madrid. You are probably wondering if three years apart made the heart grow fonder? Hmm, I wonder if I should tell you. Yeah, why not - yes, it has I think. Me and Ruth hit it off again on the first night and well, it was wonderful and has continued to be. In many ways since Kathryn I havenīt enjoyed relationships as much, but I think maybe the end of this period is close (about time too!).
Let me tell you a little about her: Ruth is a spanish girl whom I met three years ago when I first left home to work in Cambridge. From pretty much the first time we met itīs been a unique relationship in the way that we spent maybe three weeks together, but never stopped being in contact for nearly three years - and we also seem to think of each other a lot. Why? Well, Iīve written about this many a time in here before, so go look at that, but that was all theory - and thankfully it seems to work in practice here. Itīs weird - every time I kiss her itīs like magic. When I look at her, I kinda slobber (itīs disgusting). In many ways, the cold theory does not predict things like this. I find myself just wanting to spend forever with her, and every time I see her I feel good even when I feel terrible. A bit like cannabis really :)
Well, given this is my last night in Madrid with Ruth (I leave for Malaga tomorrow to visit Susana), I donīt want to warble on here for too long (other things to do - Iīm sure you can guess!). So Iīll pass you over to Ruth who will now demonstrate her amazing skills in English!
Bueno, primero unas palabras en espaņol, lo uso mejor que el inglés, pero todo sea por que me entendaís, perdón por mi inglés.
(Traslate) Well, firstly some words in spanish, it`s better for me, but If I want you to understand me I have to use your language, sorry for my english it`s so bad.
Well, it`s defficult to try to explain what happen with Niall, He said magic, maybe, I`m not sure, maybe it`s love, I`n sure as well, but now I`m happy. I have fear, it`s very difficult for me to explain all I have in my mind but I`m going to try it. He`s all I hate, but when he touch me it`s like a dream, I don`t know. This is a very big mistake because it`s like to be happy with your enemy, so it`s really, really difficult to be together, because he is in England and I`m in Madrid. We only have been no more a few days and this relationship have always been in ourself. Well, I think that is better if Niall writes. (Kisses Ruth)
Well, cool, what can I say? I may be everything she hates (there is much about her I donīt like much either), but itīs strange. Itīs like I love her for the things I hate about her as much as the things I like about her. Weird. Maybe true love, dunno yet. Itīs something Iīm not sure Iīve experienced yet - with Kathryn, I loved her for her potential (ie, really I was in love with who I thought she was, not herself - but then again, there was a lot in her I did love, so I donīt know). Kathryn was someone who wanted to change herself a lot from the outset and we both knew this and this affected how we were together. Ruth is just perfect the way she is - well, not really, but I seem to love even her faults. I love her, not the potential her. This said, I hope the potential her is even better than the current her. Weird ...
Right, Iīm off. Itīs a manual upload, and we have things to do. So itīs hasta luego from both me and Ruth, and we both look forward to typing an entry together here again sometime [Ruth: I hope so too!]. Be happy, see you again soon!